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Marriage: God’s Design for Male-Female Relationships, Part III

Covenant Marriage is God’s Design and we have prepared to discuss this in Parts I and II of Marriage: God’s Design for Male-Female Relationships. 

As a follower of Christ and knowing that God is the Author of marriage as written in the book of Genesis, I define every marriage as a Covenant Marriage, whether it is a marriage of two Christ-followers or not.  Marriage is by God’s design and it is His will that in earthly marriage the husband represents His love to his wife, who represents God’s Bride, The Church.

In Genesis chapter 2, verse 18, it states, “And the Lord God said, “’It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him’.”  This man God created underwent the first surgical procedure on Earth, and a rib was removed from him to create the first woman, who was later presented to the man. I like to point out here, that the origin of the woman was the man. God did not scoop up new clay to form her, he formed her from the same clay that formed the man. She was created as an extension of him. Theologians have observed God choosing to use Adam’s rib to form the woman symbolized equality.  She was made to be his equal.  And the rib cage is protective and supportive, symbolizing that the woman should be cherished and valued in her God-ordained role.

In the book, The Divine Economy, by Witness Lee, he writes that the meaning of God placing Adam in a “deep sleep,” signified death.  Then when he opened up Adam’s side and took one of his ribs to build it into a wife for Adam, she signified resurrection - life coming from someone (Adam) who was considered as dead.  He goes on to say that the wife, Eve, was not created but built from resurrection which parallels The Church, resulting from the resurrection of Christ.  The Church was not created by God but it was resurrected out of Christ. 

This description of the relationship between Adam and Eve and God and His Bride is profound.  The woman can also be interpreted to be the man’s redeemer as well, as God did say, in Genesis 2:18, it is not good for man to be alone.

I was excited to see that parallel from Witness Lee, as it fortifies that our earthly marriage relationships are meant to be the manifestation of Christ’s relationship with His Bride, The Church.

The oneness aspect of the marriage mentioned in Genesis 2:24 and Ephesians 5:31-32 is also evident in the creation account, since Eve was the continuation of Adam and not formed out of new clay. 

As we continue our look at Covenant Marriage, in a Christian ceremony, you are making an agreement, a promise, a covenant with your spouse and with God. The symbol of the triangle is commonly used to describe the marriage relationship.  God is at the top, with the husband and wife across from each other below.  As spouses commit to God and to each other, the lines direct them closer to God and to each other, creating more and more unity.  Ecclesiastes 4:12 states that “A threefold cord is not quickly broken.”  When God is the common focus of your union, you should have all you need to succeed. 

A Covenant Marriage includes God and He does not forsake His covenants, as stated in Deuteronomy 7:9. If you believe He brought the two of you together, He can be trusted for any necessary wisdom to keep you in unity with Him and with one another.   

However, and this is a huge HOWEVER, you must have pre-marital counseling to lay the best possible foundation for your marriage relationship.  Everyone comes into a relationship with past experiences.  First time couples only have childhood, parenting and educational experiences to consider. Some may have prior relationships or engagements that didn’t work out. Second or third marriages, not only have that, but past marriage experiences, including not happy or healthy ones. 

If the couple agrees that they want the best possible chances of success in their marriage relationship, why would they skip this chance to learn and grow together?  Meeting with their pastor, a Christian counselor or a mentoring

couple who has experience with pre-marital marriage mentoring is statistically proven to increase marital satisfaction by 30% and reduce the possibility of divorce.  Studies also show that those couples participating improved their communication by 93%. 

Before our marriage in 2001, my husband and I participated in not one, but two of these six-week sessions, one with a Christian counselor and the other with a mentoring couple. He had two previous marriages, one ending in death and the other, a very brief marriage of 8 months, ended in divorce. And I had one previous marriage ending in divorce.  So, we both were looking for a better outcome this time. But as I emphasized earlier, I believe every couple can benefit from pre-marital counseling. One benefit might even be to learn that you actually aren’t right for each other.  Things you care deeply about, your spouse-to-be may not care about at all. That could be a deal-breaker.  And although this could be heartbreaking for one or both parties, it’s much better to find out in counseling than after the wedding.

Our pre-marital counseling experiences were extremely valuable and rewarding.  During these meetings we were asked to share our expectations of marriage. Most matched up but some didn’t. The ones that didn’t match gave us a critical opportunity to discuss things further and resolve conflict if necessary.  We were challenged to discuss our priorities regarding roles and responsibilities, lifestyle choices, faith practices, life goals, in-laws, finances and sexuality.  Child-rearing couples would also discuss parenting expectations and related decision making.

Three states in America currently offer the option to have a legal Covenant Marriage.  They are Arizona, Arkansas and Louisiana. The process requires premarital counseling and imposes stricter conditions for divorce compared to a standard marriage.  Christ-following couples whether in these states or not should always honor their commitment to God and know that Biblical divorce is only allowed in cases of adultery and abandonment.  The common “irreconcilable differences” is a not a Biblical reason to divorce and you would be outside of God’s will in claiming such a reason.  Author and pastor Myles Munroe said that, “Two sinners will always be irreconcilable along the way.”  But remember, when you have God Almighty involved in your Covenant Marriage, you will always have all you need to succeed. 

The most important thing to remember while trusting God to keep His Covenant, is that you must keep yours, to Him and to each other.  The best way to do that is to agree together to make church attendance a priority along with regular prayer and bible study.  This will keep each of you growing increasing closer to each other, as you are growing closer to God.